A study has revealed that couples who refer to themselves as “we”, “us” and “our” — rather than using pronouns such as “I”, “you” and “me” — navigate through conversations and conflicts the best. Ultimately they suggest this is a key to building a lasting relationship.

I can understand that to an extent. We all want to feel like we have a common goal and are in it together. Employers…well, intelligent employers…do the same thing in team meetings. Those pronouns are thrown around to trigger a sense of unity; even though, we all know those employees leave the meeting rolling their eyes.  Still, for one moment in that room, someone was touched and was down for the cause…until they went back to their desk and opened an email about how they were four minutes late returning from lunch.

As much as there are times when the solidity of “us” will foster progress, I equally believe, when you do that in your personal relationship constantly, then you are ultimately giving up your self-awareness. It’s not a bad thing to feel like you need something or the other person is not understanding your point of view. Compromising to the point of identity loss is just as detrimental as sitting there screaming “me, me, me”.

Rather than put out a study that says you and your partner should assimilate into one entity, why can’t they just talk about balance? There are times when it’s “us”, and there are times when it’s “me” or “you”…because we are people, we are individuals, and we can’t be programmed to act and want for the same things at the same times. Maybe if we were all androids that would work, but as we are not, let’s try balance. Say it with me…BALANCE.