After being one of the few chaperons on my daughter’s most recently field trip, I’ve become aware of a commonality when chaperoning. Only the parents of the relatively well-behaved kids volunteer for what ends up being a personal reminder of why my daughter is an only child. The bad ass kids, who need a chaperon… their own one on one chaperon, don’t have parents who show up to accompanying them.

I suspect there’s some embarrassment as they know they can’t control their child and that’s why junior is a raving nut in public with me. Or they are just truly too lazy to get up before noon to shower and leave their home…again, another evidence of why I’m pulling children out of the prohibited areas of museum exhibits.

There should be a mandate that if your offspring is a rapscallion then you have to go on the field trip so I can save money on Excedrin and red wine later.

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Desserted: v. being the carnally desired ending to a meal

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I look forward to working with you: expression. I wish I was working with the person I usually work with but I’ve resigned myself to begrudgingly work with you.

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Out: interj. I am leaving even if the consequences include a written warning, joblessness, or your vengeance for leaving you hanging

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Sorry: interj. I know I’m wrong and will do it again knowing it’s wrong

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Gracious: adj. hated out of envy or their own snobbishness

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Bedded: adj. having lost ones cherry

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Whimsical: adj. the description of a hot mess when not wanting to admit or point out its busted appearance

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Audiovisual: n. communication with another person via webcam and audio input device, most commonly used for inspiring the need of a shower (or at least a washcloth) after the multi-media chat session.

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