My daughter’s unit in science is the solar system.  She wanted to know “why do stars shine?”   I went to my friend Google.  It has the pre-fill mechanism.  I typed “why” then “do”.  I paused and looked at the TOP MOST searched terms that start with “why do” and realized that the human race is rapidly falling to an imbecilic abyss.

Let’s do our top 10 list of questions that the human mind must know to have a fulfilling existence.

1.  Why do dogs eat poop? Here’s a suggestion, if your dog is eating poop, trying feeding it once in while.

2.  Why do cats purr? They don’t do anything else redeeming that would compel someone to spend time and money on them, so God gave them the ability to purr…the feline version of mild prostitution for food and shelter.

3.  Why do we dream? Because our reality of poop eating dogs and cats that sound like motorboats is too much to bear without a reprieve.

4.  Why does my eye twitch? Probably because you don’t use your eye muscle enough to really exercise by say, I don’t know, reading a book once in a while.  You know those paper things with words on them.

5.  Why do men cheat? Because they’re turned off by women with twitchy eyes whose dog smells like a pile of shit.

6.  Why don’t we just dance lyrics.  Josh Turner’s simple, yet catchy song, is sung so slowly, do you really need written lyrics to follow along?  Exercise your twitchy eye once in a while with a book that may further exercise your brain and allow you to memorize such a simple song.

7.  Why do cats knead?  Because they don’t really do anything else, besides the manipulative purring bit.

8.  Why does my belly button smell? Why don’t you shower more often?

9.  Why do dogs lick people? They’ve got to compete with the purring cats somehow.

10.  Why do we yawn? Because our brains are bored to death with the dumb ass shit we ponder about our dogs, cats, and trivial body defects.

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…and shut the fuck up!

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…on national tv all day long.  But I’d rather laugh my ass off to the fact they got the black man behind the red-headed white lady pointing to her ass like he’s gonna hit that kill zone tonight…and her just backing right up into it.  Nothing like loosing weight to make ya wanna do the wild thing!

All this display needs are cans of RediWhip on the right side.  O-lay!

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I was watching some Hulu videos and one of the advertisements was to donate to save the Hollywood sign.  My first thought was fuck them, they got money, save it them damn selves.

Then I googled why the hell the sign needs saving.  Some Chicago investors bought the land and want to build 4 luxery homes where the sign is.  My next thought was they’ll build anywhere.  Home builders would build on their mommas’ graves of they could.

It was 12.5 million bucks that was needed by the group who wants to save the sign. They got 11 million and only have until April 30th to get the other 1.5 million.

My final thought:  fuck them, they got money, save it them damn selves.

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McDonald’s is all about promoting healthier choices.  They took away my super size option.  I guess if I want extra large fries and coke it’s the downfall of society.   I went through the drive thru the other day and noticed a large box of the menu offered a chocolate banana milkshake and a chocolate pie.  WTF?!  It’s literally a pie filled with just chocolate syrup.  I have to take a dump just thinking about it.

I can’t have big fries and coke, but I can get a double quarter pounder, fries, a choc-banana milkshake and finish it off with a chocolate pie…way to promote health and fitness.

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My daughter and I were discussing careers.  I told her how in middle school I was inspired by a career-day speaker to become a stock broker (which I did not grow to be…but that’s another story entirely).  She is very inquisitive and asked what you need to do to become a stock broker.

As a 21st Century parent, I have the luxury of the Internet to answer all those tough questions my parents couldn’t answer for me.  The other day I discovered who the top exporters of walnuts to the United States are.  Time with your children leads to amassing impressive amounts of useless information that may help you on a game-show one day.

Anyway, I Google “how to become a stock broker”.  The first result to pop up is of course eHow.  I don’t regard eHow as a very in depth, or even useful, source of information.  But I figured to satisfy an eight year old girl, the information located in their article “How To Become a Stock Broker” would be sufficient.

Right there, next to the first step, is a box of “Things You’ll Need”.  There’s a Financial Calculator, The Wall Street Journal, and….Men’s Suits?!?!

What the hell kind of message is that to my daughter:  Girls aren’t smart enough to handle investing, go get your cosmetology license instead honey.

It’s as if eHow allowed some old man from the 1960′s to write the article.  Because we all know women would rather be home cooking and cleaning, then struggling to grasp the concept of investing or trying to figure out big words in the newspaper….Betty Crocker is always an easier read.

If my daughter becomes a stock broker…then becomes a drag king…I’ll know who to thank……eHow.

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Michael Steele has been in some hot water lately over discretions such as taking some some RNC donors out to a bondage club in Hollywood.  His own party is calling for his resignation as leader of the Republican National Committee; many donors are no longer supporting the RNC.

I’m not condoning his behavior, but his behavior is very typical of those trying to navigate the political waters to reach the summit of success.   Several other Republicans have had much greater scandals, and they remain supported…they are also happen to be white.

Politicians, on both sides of the aisle, engage in horrendous behavior…much of which doesn’t see the light of day…unless they reach a pinnacle where their removal is desired by the envious.

It is simple food for thought on whether the objection to Steele’s actions, and subsequent lack of support, is truly based on the outrage over immortality, or roots from jealousy over a black man reaching a position of power amongst the rich and the white.

An additional morsel to chew on…I’m sure in life Michael Steele received flack from other African Americans for his membership  in the Republican Party.  Now that’s he is under fire, does he regret the isolation and time spent in a world that is not recognized as having open arms for his own people?

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