In Moscow, a chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers because he is a smoking, beer-drinking fool.  Although he is trapped in the zoo, he manages to get his hands on booze and smokes from people passing by.  He has other talents besides being a party animal (sorry I couldn’t resist); he can draw with markers and he’s fathered a ton of babies.  He’s like a slutty chimp version of Van Gogh.

If the zoo was smart, instead of sending him to rehab, they’d put him on display smoking some cigs, drinking a beer and drawing a picture.  The economy is tough in Europe too; they could make some money off this little fellow.  Instead, he is 500 miles away receiving rehab treatment.  How do you find a substance abuse rehab for a zoo animal anyway?

This seems extreme.  It’s not like he’s addicted to dope.  He’s no worse than your local barfly.  Not to mention, he is Russian.  He’s suppose to wash down his breakfast, lunch and sensible dinner with some of Eastern Europe’s finest spirits.   I am Ukrainian-Russian, we have beer at the church immediately after mass……leave that monkey alone!