Wear Your Mittens If You Go To Saturn This Week

A 21 year old woman in Nebraska was called “fat” by some guy at a party.
So what did she do?
Bit off a chunk of his right ear. He was a 24 year old guy at a party, there was an argument, he called her fat, she bit off his ear, and the chunk of ear was never found.
Way to prove your not “fat” by eating part of a man’s ear.


Don’t sleep with the brides maids…I mean, lose weight before the wedding *smirks*
Chelsea wants Bill to look good going down the isle. Of course it is played to us that she is concerned about his health and this will be alot of strain on him.
Yes, walking a straight line is stressful. 15 pounds will make all the difference in the world.
It’s not an unheard of request to have a family member or dear friend trim down and shape up before the ceremony.
I’ve read stories about best friends not being in one another’s weddings because of weight issues. In Style quality people comprising the wedding party in the photo album is much more important than friendship.
The amusing part is when the bride, although average built, has a horse face. *coughs* Chelsea *coughs*


“Nightmare on Elm Street” is coming out. Yea it was out back in the 80′s, this is a remake.
There’s no Wes Craven or the creepy dude that played Freddy.
Why the fuck would you remake the original? That shit was scary. It’ll scare a 10 year old back into bed-wetting just as much now as it did back in the day. Now someone’s just gonna ruin it.
The director, I dunno whoever the hell he is, said that he wanted to redeem Freddy because he became a joke. A whole rack of people love “Nightmare on Elm Street”, even the sequels. He didn’t need to play Captain Save A Movie.
They remade Karate Kid, now this.
Doesn’t Hollywood have some writers who do original shit anymore?

The health council in Brazil is out there promoting their citizens to keep blood pressure down so they can stay healthy. The suggested way to do it is MORE SEX!
They’re out there trying to get people to have more sex and do more dancing to be healthy.
That’s my kind of health plan.
If my doctor told me to do that instead of laying off beer, I’d be the best patient ever.
Someone get the Brazilian health minister over here for a convo with the surgeon general :)
There was/is an internet started boycott of Arizona tea. This is to express grievances over the new immigration laws in Arizona.
Apparently, no one bothered to think or look up the company website to see that it is a New York company. Who boycotts something without absolutely no research or backing? Apparently a lot of idiots do.
Some who have reported on the Arizona tea misguided boycott have offered actual Arizona companies to boycott. How is assisting a witch hunt any better than being able to harass someone who is Hispanic for no reason?
It’s not as if XYZ company out of Arizona lobbied and paid the politicians to introduce or pass the law. Our Federal Government passes lots of horrible legislature; let’s boycott everything make or sold inside our borders.
Further, this could affect the livelihood of countless people who had nothing to do with the law. During a recession nonetheless.
Imagine busting your ass at work for your company who is boycotted, suffers financially, then has to lay you off because the State of Montana passed some objectionable law. How would that make you feel?
So yea, go target innocent businesses, that makes a lot of sense.


According to statistics recently released by The Vatican, the number of Catholics in Africa has risen by 33% and in Asia it has risen 16%.
How about America or some other Western country? I don’t suppose those statistics would say much about the state of Catholicism…or it may say too much about its state.
In an unrelated article, I read that parts of the world (such as Asia and Africa) are being increasingly flooded with pro-pedophilia propaganda. Hmmmm.
My daughter’s unit in science is the solar system. She wanted to know “why do stars shine?” I went to my friend Google. It has the pre-fill mechanism. I typed “why” then “do”. I paused and looked at the TOP MOST searched terms that start with “why do” and realized that the human race is rapidly falling to an imbecilic abyss.
Let’s do our top 10 list of questions that the human mind must know to have a fulfilling existence.
1. Why do dogs eat poop? Here’s a suggestion, if your dog is eating poop, trying feeding it once in while.
2. Why do cats purr? They don’t do anything else redeeming that would compel someone to spend time and money on them, so God gave them the ability to purr…the feline version of mild prostitution for food and shelter.
3. Why do we dream? Because our reality of poop eating dogs and cats that sound like motorboats is too much to bear without a reprieve.
4. Why does my eye twitch? Probably because you don’t use your eye muscle enough to really exercise by say, I don’t know, reading a book once in a while. You know those paper things with words on them.
5. Why do men cheat? Because they’re turned off by women with twitchy eyes whose dog smells like a pile of shit.
6. Why don’t we just dance lyrics. Josh Turner’s simple, yet catchy song, is sung so slowly, do you really need written lyrics to follow along? Exercise your twitchy eye once in a while with a book that may further exercise your brain and allow you to memorize such a simple song.
7. Why do cats knead? Because they don’t really do anything else, besides the manipulative purring bit.
8. Why does my belly button smell? Why don’t you shower more often?
9. Why do dogs lick people? They’ve got to compete with the purring cats somehow.
10. Why do we yawn? Because our brains are bored to death with the dumb ass shit we ponder about our dogs, cats, and trivial body defects.